Alone, but with God - how the Church comforts and supports divorced and widowed parents
Single parenting author Kelly Lugo and her children Josh and Isabel are parishioners of St. Jude Church in Mansfield. (NTC/Richard Rodriguez)
When Amber Bowen’s husband died nine years ago, the mother of three felt lost and hopeless. Eventually, the self-described religious nomad found comfort in the Rosary.
“I was drawn to the Blessed Virgin and that brought me into the Church,” said the recent convert, admitting she was wary and timid about joining the Catholic faith. “I was afraid I wouldn’t be welcomed as a single mother. Even in OCIA [Order of Christian Initiation of Adults], I was cautious about revealing my status.”
Her fears were unfounded. Becoming part of the St. Jude community was a positive experience with one parishioner making a significant impression. During a women’s welcome retreat, Bowen listened to Kelly Lugo give her testimony.
“It was very inspiring,” she remembered. “I saw a parallel of her journey as a single mother and mine.”
When Lugo’s book, “The Single Parent’s Devotional: 101 Reminders of God’s Purpose and Promises for Your Life,” was published earlier this year, the special education teacher read it cover to cover. Practical information included in the chapters offered a wealth of guidance.
“Reading her book gave me ideas on how to raise children in the faith, find joy in stressful moments, and connect with my kids,” Bowen explained. “It encouraged me to embrace being Catholic and a single mother.”
Once hesitant to bring her 11-year-old twins and 10-year-old son to church without a father, she now attends Mass with the children regularly and enrolled them in formation.
“I think the diocese does a good job focusing on families and family events, but I really think there needs to be a ministry for single mothers,” Bowen suggested. “A campaign welcoming single mothers and fathers into the parish would let them know they have a place here. I didn’t know that.”
Surrendering to God
Bowen is the type of young mother Lugo was thinking of when she decided to write a devotional for single parents. Inspiration came during a very low point in the author’s life.
Although helped by family members at different times, the divorced mom of a 17-year-old boy and 16-year-old girl parented alone for 15 years.
“It was the constant worry of carrying it all by myself along with other things unraveling personally,” Lugo said, describing the daily grind of meals, laundry, dishes, and financial worries that led to overwhelming sadness. “I went to Adoration constantly, said all the novenas, and nothing changed. It got worse, not better.”
Watching an interview with Jonathan Roumie, who portrays Jesus on the television drama “The Chosen,” gave her hope.
“A devout Catholic, he talked about a particular low point in his life and how he just needed to surrender,” the Arlington native recalled. “I realized I’d been telling God what I wanted but I never surrendered. When you give God that surrender, and truly hand it over, even when it’s not what you want for yourself, things start to happen.”
Her motto became: Say yes to whatever God asks.
Lugo contacted Dynamic Catholic — a Catholic website — and volunteered to write content for them focused on single parenthood. Having the editor agree to the proposal took some persuading.
“I told him 21 percent of Catholic parents in the U.S. are divorced, widowed, separated, or never married. That’s a big chunk of people there’s no ministry, community, or support for in the Church, beyond Gabriel Project for mothers in crisis and, maybe, a brief divorce support class. That’s it,” she said, recounting the conversation.
The well-received articles she produced evolved into a series of devotionals and was turned into a book written to be comforting, challenging, and encouraging while acknowledging feelings of heartbreak, grief, loneliness, and fear. Lugo also asks readers to “celebrate wins” and find support from reliable people.
“I want single parents to realize God has a plan [for them] because of their journey, not in spite of it,” she said. “That’s what changed everything for me. Now I have the opportunity to use what I’ve been through to help other people. There was purpose in the pain.”
Need for community
While writing the book, the author reached out to Momentum, a faith-based community for Catholic single moms that offers retreats, online fellowship, and local chapter meetings. Founded in Canada, the organization is expanding into the U.S. with the newest group started locally by Lugo.
On the third Friday of each month, single mothers meet at Holy Family of Nazareth Parish in Irving from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. In addition to childcare, a meal is provided because “One of the greatest gifts you can give a single mom is a night when she doesn’t have to cook,” the organizer said.
The first meeting in May brought together Catholic single moms from across the Metroplex.
“There’s just a desperate need for community,” said Lugo, noting participants ranged from a mom with a three-month-old baby to women with adult children. “You don’t stop carrying the burden of being the matriarch and patriarch of a family as it grows.”
Sophia Starostin, a divorced mother of a two-year-old, was seeking Catholic fellowship when she heard Lugo interviewed on a podcast talking about the new Momentum chapter in Texas.
“I definitely wanted to get involved in that. There are a lot of Catholic moms out there, and we definitely feel like outliers,” admitted the St. Patrick parishioner, who recently moved to Fort Worth from Austin. “There’s this silent shame around being a single parent and being Catholic because it’s not the ideal image of a nuclear family.”
The 36-year-old hospital case manager would like to attend a Bible study class, but childcare is always an issue.
“I even put off things like reconciliation because I don’t have childcare,” Starostin added.
She hopes the local Momentum group grows and parishioners recognize the need for this ministry.
“We’re doing the right thing raising children in the faith, but we feel so alone and not worthy to be part of the Catholic Church,” the young mother shared.
Finding support
Single motherhood is a role Stephanie Hernandez never imagined she’d experience. Her husband, Eric, was just 50 years old when he died suddenly in February 2024 from complications caused by double pneumonia. Four years earlier, the couple lost their fourth child, Emma Grace, at birth.
“He was a very faithful man,” the widow said, remembering how her husband helped her cope with the death of their baby. “We prayed and had our church family around us, but when Eric died, I lost a little bit of my faith.”
The mother of three still finds walking into church without her partner difficult, but she accompanies Eli, 17, Chris, 12, and Michelle, 9, to Mass because “it’s just something I need to do. St. Bart’s is my other family,” the St. Bartholomew parishioner said candidly.
When someone on the parish staff recommended a grief support group, she embraced the idea and began attending monthly meetings at a bereavement ministry available at Holy Family Parish in Fort Worth.
“I’m so glad I started that because the people there know what I’ve been going through,” Hernandez said. “We share our stories and bond through similar experiences.”
Her children find support and grieve the loss of their father at The Warm Place — a nonprofit dedicated to helping youngsters deal with the death of a loved one.
Parishioners at St. Andrew Church also rallied around the widow, who is employed as a teacher’s aide at the parish school. Co-workers provided meals for the family for more than a month, and funds raised helped defray medical and other expenses.
“It was amazing to see how everyone wanted to help,” Hernandez added.
Her husband, a Nolan Catholic and Texas Christian University graduate, worked for years as a youth minister at St. Bartholomew.
“He would love what all three parishes did for me and my kids,” she said.
Not forgotten
Lugo wants divorced, separated, or widowed Catholics like Hernandez to know that God and the Church has not abandoned them.
“But there’s a lot more we could be doing to make our parishes more welcoming to single parents,” she asserted.
Providing childcare, inviting single- parent families to bring up the offertory gifts, giving homilies that mention the challenges of raising children alone, and offering fellowship are some suggestions.
Her message to struggling single parents who may not fully feel part of a parish family is this: “You are not forgotten. You are seen, known, and loved by God and the Church, and He is going to bring good from this heartbreaking chapter in your life for you and your children.”
God is now Lugo’s parenting partner.
“That’s who I talk to when I’m feeling overwhelmed,” she said. “There is victory in all of this. God will do things we can only imagine if we give Him the opportunity.”