Caring companions - trained Stephen Ministers provide caring, confidential ministry

Deacon Mike Mocek (left, front row) and lay Stephen Ministers at Holy Family Parish in Fort Worth pose inside the sanctuary. (NTC/Richard Rodriguez)

There’s nothing magical or high tech about listening to people work through grief or adversity, said Deacon Mike Mocek of Holy Family Parish.

“It’s just really being with someone, listening to them, and praying with them, and helping them find their way through difficulty,” said the deacon, who has served the Fort Worth parish for more than 20 years.

A Stephen Minister is a lay person who has been vetted, been interviewed, and received more than 50 hours of “pretty extensive training,” Dcn. Mocek said. Among the 13 active ministers at Holy Family, there are “everything from teachers to personnel specialists to engineers to attorneys to retired military …  the one common thing is they just want to use their talents to help people.” 

Ministers “are trained to listen, they’re trained to accompany, and they’re trained to pray with someone who needs prayers,” he explained.

Care receivers may be struggling with “the loss of a loved one, a breakup of a relationship, the loss of a job, or dealing with financial problems. You know, just any of life’s problems that are thrown at us from time to time.”

Those dealing with daily struggles, big or small, are invited to ask about the ministry, the deacon added. 

“I think oftentimes we downplay our problems and say, ‘Well, that’s not that big a deal,’ but they can drag us down if we leave them and don’t get help.”

Upon learning of a care receiver and their struggles, a Stephen Leader like the deacon will connect the individual with a Stephen Minister. Together, receiver and minister decide on the location, structure, and length of their meetups.

But they all share the same goal: to afford the receiver, a fellow child of God, a space to share their struggles without fear of reproach or guilt of burdening others.

Holy Spirit at work

“We have family and friends that we can talk to a certain degree,” explained Cay Moore of St. Ann Parish in Burleson. “But with Stephen Ministry, it’s confidential, it’s judgment free, and that listening is powerful.”

There is a complete and total focus on the care receiver that helps individuals work out life’s sorrows and stresses without the fear or guilt of burdening others, she said.

“When you’re going through certain types of trauma, you have to say the same things over and over and over again, and friends and family get tired of it,” Moore said.

“You get on that loop of ‘I’m repeating myself, I’m repeating myself,’ but you have to do it because you haven’t been able to work through that yet. And so that’s the gift that the Stephen Minister can give by sitting there and being patient.”

The group of nearly 20 Stephen Ministers she leads at St. Ann provides support to the parish and surrounding community by “working behind the scenes, very quietly” — and by the grace of the Holy Spirit, Moore said.

“Every single Stephen Minister working with a care receiver will talk about the Holy Spirit, how they could start to see the change from the early crisis to where people begin to work through [their grief and struggles] through the healing of the Holy Spirit,” she said. “I think that’s probably the most beautiful part of this is we feel the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit works through us.”

Moore has served as a Stephen Leader alongside her husband, Joe Page, since 2020. From her unique standpoint, she can see the impact of the understated ministry.

Often, she’ll run into former care receivers who are living a renewed life of faith, with increased participation in the parish, now unburdened and looking to delve deeper.

“You see them active and involved, and they have hope, and they’re back in the life of Christ,” she said.

To support each other

When Dorothy Mladenka’s husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, he stayed at home with her for a time before circumstances required him to move to a facility for advanced care.

The Holy Family parishioner had heard of Stephen Ministry at Mass, read about it in the bulletin, and acknowledged her daughter Jennifer’s suggestion to reach out, “but I was not thinking about calling to be part of that,” she admitted. 

That changed after Dcn. Mocek personally checked in with her.
“Jennifer had mentioned that maybe this would be a good thing for you,” Mladenka recalled the deacon telling her. “He said he would assign someone to me and that everything was done anonymously.” 

The sessions started off a little stilted, but with some coffee, prayer, and the space to talk freely, it became easier to share.

“We were meeting once every two or three weeks for quite a while. I felt so blessed to have someone as compassionate and helpful and prayerful as her. She was and is wonderful,” she said. 

The visits worked around Mladenka’s schedule. “I don’t want to be in your way; I just want to be helpful,” her Stephen Minister would tell her.

With time, she found compassion, healing, and friendship.  

“I didn’t realize how much benefit that would be until we actually got into it,” she said. “I see the need for that sort of compassion and understanding from people more so than I did before. And I certainly know that we all need each other, that’s for sure.”

Mladenka now is the one to refer others to Dcn. Mocek and share the message of Stephen Ministry with friends and neighbors: “You can call them and see what happens because it is so inspiring. [My Stephen Minister] was so good about all these prayers that should help me to remember what we’re doing, what we’re here for, and how important it is for each of us to support each other.”

A baptismal call

At the roots of Stephen Ministry is a Lutheran pastor who couldn’t meet the demand for his individual counsel, so he started training lay people to assist him in meeting the needs of his congregation. 

Monsignor Joe Pemberton first heard of Stephen Ministry while assigned as pastor of St. Rita Parish in Fort Worth and helped support its growth in the parishes he served in the diocese. 

Most Blessed Sacrament parishioner Tommy Woodson and his wife, Linda, served as Stephen Ministers and leaders at the Arlington parish and worked closely with Msgr. Pemberton.

They saw firsthand how the ministry helped ease the faithful as well as relieve some weight of a priest’s workload. 

The warmth and friendly approach of Stephen Ministry “can be a great help and support” to a priest, Tommy Woodson said. “I think that’s what [Msgr. Pemberton] saw and was hoping for, so that he wouldn’t fall short in terms of meeting the pastoral needs of the parish.”

Msgr. Pemberton agreed, sharing how “from a pastor’s perspective, Stephen Ministry has really been a great help. 

“For one thing, it’s impossible for me or any priest to visit everyone who needs to be visited, so they become an instrument of reaching out to folks who need someone from the parish to be with them.” 

Often, Stephen Ministers will discover and, with their receiver’s permission, share with their pastor how their receiver has sacramental needs or had strayed from the Church and desires to return. Once aware of the need, a priest can arrange to meet with them.

“Stephen Ministry also is a great empowerment of the laity to live out their baptismal call in serving their brothers and sisters in the name of Christ,” the retired priest added. “They discover that this journey to God is done within a community, and we’re all part of this family, and some of the family members are hurting.”

This opportunity for the laity to help neighbors in pain can remind both receiver and minister we are never alone in grief. 

“We believe that you’re like Jesus, walking with somebody at their time of need,” Woodson explained.