Count your blessings
David and Suzanne Hoelscher of St. Vincent de Paul Parish in Arlington with their children (clockwise, from top left) Joshua, Alyssa, Kassandra, Vanessa, Daniel, Liam, Brianna, and Sophia. (NTC/Richard Rodriguez)
At St. Vincent de Paul Parish in Arlington, the Hoelscher family fills an entire pew.
With eight children, David and Suzanne Hoelscher exemplify Pope Francis’ statement in Amoris Laetitia (On Love in the Family) — “Large families are a joy for the Church. They are an expression of the fruitfulness of love” (167).
Parishioners at St. Vincent de Paul Parish in Arlington since 2006, the couple brings joy to their church and receives joy as well.
They appreciate the blessings and relationships that come from a tightly woven church community, and in return, they and their children serve in various ministries.
SCHOOL OF MARRIAGE
What has God taught them through their 20-year marriage?
“Patience,” said Suzanne. “And you shouldn’t go into things expecting the other person to change.”
“Don’t expect perfection,” continued David, who followed up with a quip: “Being forgetful is a part of a successful marriage.”
TOGETHER TIME
David said, “No matter how many kids you have, keep focusing on each other. Losing sight of that can cause big problems, but if you maintain focus on each other, the number of kids is irrelevant.”
While a traditional date is rare for the couple (Suzanne pointed out to David, “Costco doesn’t count”), they regularly make time to have the kids watch each other in the house while they sit on the porch and talk.
MORE THAN TWO
David said, “Our main focus is on each other in marriage, but we’ve got these visitors in our life that we have to keep from killing themselves, and keep the peace, and keep them fed.”
A GOOD TRADE
As the family has grown, the hobbies Suzanne and David previously enjoyed are deferred.
Suzanne used to dance, garden, and play the harp, and David used to relax with computer games.
David said the trade-off is worth it. “Children just make your world so much richer and do teach you to sacrifice.”
Suzanne added, “All children are a blessing, and now it’s just a different focus.”
David said, “There’s an added complication or element that comes with the kids, but it comes with so much joy and surprises as well.”
ON RAISING EIGHT CHILDREN
“It’s not as scary as it can seem,” said Suzanne, who has had a child in diapers for the last 17 years. “It just takes a lot of systems and routines.”
IS EIGHT ENOUGH?
Suzanne suggested that a large family is not for everyone, but David said, “And eight is not a maximum, either.”
ENCOURAGEMENT FOR YOUNG FAMILIES
David said, “Keep going.” Suzanne said, “God won’t give you stuff you can’t handle.”
SERVING THE PARISH
David and Suzanne have served on the stewardship committee for several years, and Suzanne is a sacristan and the ministry leader for the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd program for children.
David is a reader; the four oldest children are altar servers; and Kassandra and Sophia help with hospitality on second Sundays.
SERVING THE PARISH
Suzanne and David said raising their children in the parish community sets a good example for the children and provides practical help too, like gently used clothing.
LESSONS SHARED
Alyssa will soon be an adult, and Suzanne hopes she’s learned from her parents “to be good stewards. To know and serve God. Our purpose in life is to get to heaven and take as many people along the way as we can.”
David hopes their children understand “Basically, no matter what’s going on in your life, your faith is there. It’s not something you just set aside depending on whether it’s convenient and what’s going on.”
EVERYDAY GRACES
To teach the faith, the family prays together, has meals together, and attends and participates in Mass regularly.
From Catechesis of the Good Shepherd (at home and at the parish) to youth group, religious education is a priority.
The children’s baptism anniversaries get equal billing with birthdays, complete with cake. David and Suzanne relight the child’s baptism candles and say blessings over them.
GOD IS WITH US
David said, “You get to eight kids, you need everybody. You see God not only in your spouse, but in your kids, everyone around you, and all the different little ways in which people in the community help ... You see God in so many ways because you have less control.”
CHOOSE LOVE
Suzanne said, “True love is a choice. You have to choose every single day — I’m going to continue loving this person. True love is if you constantly put the other person before yourself and in response, they’re doing that back to you ... always willing the other person’s good, and it works.”
David summarized, “Husbands, take good care of your wives.” Then he whispered, “And vice versa.”
BLESSINGS COUNT
“We’ve only got one shot of life on Earth here, so enjoy the time God’s given you. Enjoy the grace and blessings of kids. The kids are an opportunity to help make the world a little bit better through what we teach them, raising them to be good, holy people,” David said.