Preparing for a beautiful death
Annice Barber, an end-of-life doula, prays with patient Jaye Beck (right) during a visit on Sept. 27, 2024 at Beck's home in Bluff Dale. Beck and Barber are both parishioners of St. Mary Church in Dublin. (NTC/Juan Guajardo)
Death can be beautiful. That’s the lesson Annice Barber learned during the last year of her mother’s life.
“It was just the wonderful way we approached things and found joy in all of the moments,” explained the caregiver. “When life gets short, you notice everything. The last few months of my mom’s life were the most deeply meaningful years in my own life.”
To make Angeline Barber’s remaining days special, Annice and her siblings started a “carpe diem” fund. When friends and relatives asked how to help the family, they could donate to the fund rather than send meals or flowers.
“We used that money to do whatever she wanted — like getting her nails painted — something she’d never done,” said the St. Mary in Dublin parishioner. “We tried to elevate her days.”
More significant adventures involved planning a surprise birthday party in her mother’s native Michigan with extended family and high school friends she hadn’t seen in years. A hot air balloon ride over the New Mexico desert with her children was another splurge.
When Barber’s mother passed away at age 74 from lung cancer, the end came peacefully surrounded by loved ones.
“She had this vision of heaven that sustained her,” the daughter continued. “Her very deep faith carried her. It carried us all.”
But when Barber described her mother’s death as “beautiful” to a bereavement support group, the therapist dismissed the observation as denial — a stage of grief.

Twenty years later, that reaction led the former university professor to seek training as an end-of-life doula — a relatively new profession that provides companionship, comfort, and guidance to those facing a terminal illness or death.
“I always knew death could be more than what I was seeing in the media and society — something that needed to be avoided at all costs,” she explained. “It’s nothing you’re rejoicing in, but it can be beautiful at the same time because you find this amazing quality of life that’s precious.”
A doula does not provide medical care but focuses on creative, holistic support. That may involve empowering the client to work through unresolved feelings or regrets.
“I spend time with my clients in deep conversation and sometimes they tell me things they won’t tell their families,” said Barber, who was trained by the International End-of-Life Doula Association. “They may have regrets or unfinished business. It’s hurting them and they need to process through it.”
She also helps with advanced care planning, legacy projects, and bereavement support for the surviving family. An end-of-life doula complements other services a person may receive like hospice care.
“You follow a client’s desires and needs,” Barber emphasized. “I met with a family one time to help them choose a hospice, but another client wanted to talk every day. You meet people where they are [emotionally].”
The cradle Catholic considers her ministry one that brings healing and peace. Although she doesn’t share religious beliefs, the doula will pray with people if they ask.
“It’s such a sacred time to be this close to the veil — the path between this world and the next,” stressed Barber, who serves clients within 30 miles of her Bosque County home. “It’s a new field, and I feel this is what God is calling me to do. There’s no greater reward than that.”
Making a difficult decision
As a cardiologist and then hospice/palliative care physician, helping patients deal with end-of-life issues became a familiar task for Brad Samuelson.
“Unfortunately, when I was in medical school, there was no class on end-of-life issues or dealing with grief,” explained the retired doctor who relied on his Catholic faith to fill the gaps. “It was a lot of on-the-job training.”

Ordained a deacon for the diocese in 2020, he now uses his combined experiences in medicine and diaconate training to help people understand what the Church teaches about medical decisions and treatment during Aging with Grace workshops, which address spiritual, medical, and legal end-of-life concerns from a Catholic perspective.
Making decisions for an incapacitated loved one is always difficult. That’s why Deacon Samuelson encourages people to plan ahead.
“When it comes to medical issues, we have to make sure the people who care for us understand what our desires are,” said the Catholic convert who presents a talk on medical ethics at the workshops. “No one wants to live on life support for their remaining time. But, if it’s going to tide us through until we get better, that’s a different issue.”
When discussing end-of-life situations, the Church divides circumstances into ordinary and extraordinary care.
“We have the obligation to use ordinary care to preserve life if, in the judgment of the patient or loved one, there is reasonable hope of benefit and doesn’t entail excessive burden or expense on the family,” the deacon explained.
When a treatment becomes very expensive, the Church teaches it may be considered “extraordinary care” and not morally obligatory.
“That could lead to making other decisions,” he added.
A cardiologist for 26 years, the former Wichita Falls doctor frequently helped families decide whether continuing treatment would leave a patient significantly impaired. Finding the right answer required a lot of prayer and discernment.
“Making those types of decisions about a parent is always a difficult task for children,” Dcn. Samuelson pointed out. “That’s why planning ahead is so important.”
Proactive funeral planning
Making funeral arrangements for a loved one has become another generational issue — especially for Catholic families. In Western culture, there’s little proactive interest in funeral planning and most of those conversations happen only after a family member has died.
“The majority of people, when they pass, are older and many of their children have not carried on the faith,” Father Stephen Hauck explained. “It makes for a confusing time if there aren’t explicit instructions left by the deceased parent.”
The pastor of St. Martin de Porres parish tries to simplify the Catholic theology of the funeral rite for someone who is unfamiliar with the faith and is grieving. He helps them select the readings and advises them further depending on whether there is a cremation or funeral with a body.
“Most of our faithful don’t know we still have a preference for a funeral with a body and regular burial,” he noted.
To explain the “why” behind that preference, Fr. Hauck discusses funeral preparations and answers other end-of-life questions twice a year during the parish’s monthly adult formation lecture series.
“There are a lot of theological implications for why we do what we do at a funeral,” the priest pointed out. “The funeral itself is a mirroring of baptism within the context of the Mass. You’re dying in your baptism to be reborn in Christ.”
A casket is draped in a white pall symbolizing the white garment of baptism and sprinkled with water, the same ritual used in baptism. The paschal candle, the light of faith, that once lit the godparent’s baptismal candle, is placed next to the body.
“When a person opts to be cremated, half of those options go away because there is no body there,” Fr. Hauck explained. “You lose the visual reference and all the aspects and symmetry of baptism.”
The pastor recommends contacting the parish to plan your funeral instead of leaving it for someone else to do.

“There’s a booklet with a menu of options. Spend time with the readings and choose ones that speak to you,” he suggested. “Keep a copy of [the booklet] with your will or legal documents and then your children, or whoever executes your will, will know what you want upon your death.”
Aging with grace and information
The Catholic Church believes in the sanctity of life from conception to natural death.
“Only God has the right to end a life that has begun,” asserted Terri Schauf, diocesan respect life coordinator. “We offer Aging with Grace events to help people understand the Church’s teaching on end-of-life care, whether that’s for an older person or someone facing a serious illness at a younger age.”
In previous years, the diocese presented talks focused on bioethics but the material was more academic.
“What we’re doing now is at a more basic level of what the Church teaches on medicine, law, and pastoral care when it comes to aging,” Schauf continued.
Attendees are particularly interested in hearing legal experts address estate planning and the importance of wills, power-of-attorney documents, advanced directives, trusts, and beneficiary designations.
Answers to questions posed by the audience add another layer of information.
More guidance and resources about end-of-life issues is available on the National Catholic Bioethics Center website, ncbcenter.org, and United States Council of Catholic Bishops website, usccb.org.
“Attending Aging with Grace can help bring an understanding of the Church’s teaching and peace to what can be a difficult time as we prepare for the end of life, whether our own or that of a loved one,” Schauf said encouragingly.
Annice Barber's website, GentleJourneyDoula.com, offers more information, prayers, and the opportunity to join the Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer team.