The hidden lives of saints

A girl contemplates her relationship with Christ as she reads the bible in a room. (Pexels/Cottonbro Studio)

During the ice storm of 2015 and again, early in the 2020 pandemic, my father and I filmed a lip sync dance video that went viral — the first reached 7 million views in five days, and the latter amassed more than 200 million views in total.

I received so many messages from people all over the world about these silly little dance videos and the majority of comments were either “I wish that I had,” “I remember when…” or “How long did it take you to make that video?”

My friends, the preparation to make a cheerful video like that took a lifetime because of the all the behind the scenes work the world will never see, culminating in one moment of joy.

Seldom have I talked about all the years of hidden moments of me learning what it means to be in relationship with my dad; of learning what it means to be loved by him, to love him in return, to learn how to fight and reconcile, to learn what it means to trust him, to respect him, to feel confident enough in our relationship that I can do something as silly as filming a video of us both dancing in the kitchen for the whole world to watch without ever feeling shameful.

The same concept can be adapted for the spiritual life. When we read the lives of the saints, it’s very easy to think “Why can’t I do this huge, impactful thing for God like them? Why is it so hard for me?” But rarely do we think about all of the hidden years where it was just that particular saint and God, the moments we will never know about.

The saints’ lives were marked by years of the hidden life where they were learning what it means to be in relationship with their Father, what it means to love Him and be loved by Him, what it means to fight and be reconciled, what it means to completely trust Him in whatever way He was asking.

So often we want our spiritual lives to be this one viral moment, when in reality, God is much more interested in working out His relationship with you in the hidden, mundane, everyday moments of your life. He can certainly make those “viral” moments happen where you are very seen and known, but more often than not, those moments are the fruit of a life lived in relationship with Him.

In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus directs those listening on how to pray well: “But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you” (Matthew 6:6). It’s almost as if this is the exact thing the Father is looking for in a relationship with you.

Certainly, there’ll be moments when you are very seen by the world, but what the Father is more interested in is what happens in the inner room, the secret place, the hidden life. I have found in my lived relationship with the Father that those moments of being with Him in the inner room have transformed my life so that when He does bring me to a moment where I’m seen by the world, I am confident in my daughterhood and in who He has created me to be, and nothing can change that.

Ali Hoffman is a regular columnist for the North Texas Catholic. She served as a missionary for two years with NET Ministries, was a youth minister for 6 years, and currently is a freelance artist, speaker, and creator. Find more of her columns for the North Texas Catholic here.